Check - Up

Health is definitely one of the few possessions any person would cherish dearly in life and care for with utter attention. No one can feel your pain, ache or problem except you...and it is you, once feeling any unease, who decide it is time for a close check up...time for a doctor visit. It still amazes me is when some people recognize the pain, yet decide NOT to go to the doctor. You see them not feeling well, and they might even talk about the "not in shape mode", but still they resist the idea of a check up. Their reasoning in 90% most of the time "I know what I have, and I know what the doctor will tell me...he tells me the same every time..stop this and that, eat well, sleep well, change your lifestyle...I know it all!...Don't worry I ll do it myself." That's the moment they realize how a doctor visit induces a Reality check and a CALL for Commitment that some try avoiding under the pretentious reasoning of knowing it all...and a run-away from a sooner than later intervention...where a later intervention...might be just a little bit TOO late!

I admit I do the same with my heavenly Doctor...I shy away from sitting closely one to one with Him, allowing a needed check up. I might know what is going wrong in my veins of faith or my muscular tissues of inner peace, but still I prefer not to ask for this check up..as I just fear commitment, I fear Change I can't handle, I fear failing to follow His prescriptions......and to avoid it...I simply act "normal" and don't tell Him about it...Better keep it for myself..I know what He will tell me...!!

David knew the Heart of His creator..and knew that only Him, the Doctor of it all, can work His healing and show the way...He calls Him to test his heart..and thought:

 "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV)
اختَبِرني يا اللهُ واعرِفْ قَلبي. امتَحِنّي واعرِفْ أفكاري. وانظُرْ إنْ كانَ فيَّ طَريقٌ باطِلٌ، واهدِني طَريقًا أبديًّا. (139 المَزاميرُ:23-24 AVDDV)

Only then I realized a big difference: when one leaves the doctor clinic, he faces the change alone...and is asked to commit alone..a road that might seem tough..and better to avoid. While with HIM, we are never left alone...we leave His clinic with the promise and fact that He walks with us and talks with us..."You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts from far away. You know where I go and where I lie down. You know everything I do. Lord, you know what I want to say, even before the words leave my mouth. Your Spirit is everywhere I go. I cannot escape your presence.You will take my hand and lead me. Your strong right hand will protect me". (Psalms 139:2-4, 7, 10 ERV) I thank you For showing me the way...for Saying I AM THE WAY..and FOR YOUR SPIRIT who makes my walk to healing a commitment..it makes it YOUR Commitment..and Unfailing commitment..and that's THE big difference!

Did you do your check-up lately? May be December is a good month...

Soul Scars

We human beings like to communicate, chat and tell stories. Nothing beats a nice story-telling "dating back to childhood days" among some friends, and preferably if it has some humor in it. I found that we use, even scars, yes Scars and wounds, to tell stories. Funny enough, I can put "scars" stories into categories. There are these "Pride Scars" that hold behind them an heroic act, where you probably got it jumping off the roof to save your little brother who was about to put his hand in a 2 meters tall hungry dog. There are the "Comedy Scars" leaving their mark on you after "smartly" walking into a glass window thinking it was just not there. And then...there are the "Painful Scars", the ones you wish they didn't leave that mark to remind you of an incident painful to your heart, or shameful to share. These are the ones you neglect, try to hide and never give an answer back when asked about them...the one reminding of a loss, a fight, a hatred, or an haunting past.

But most of all there are the "Soul Scars" and these are unseen to the eyes of your surrounding, yet they haunt you down and THEY are the one that keep telling you their stories over and over again. You know, these inner scars don't have a surgical solution but have a God who He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds, curing their pains and their sorrows. (Psalm 147:3), a God who says, “I live in a high and holy place, but I also live with people who are humble and sorry for their sins. I will give new life to those who are humble in spirit. I will give new life to those who are sorry for their sins. (Isaiah 57:15)

Jesus encounter with the Leper in Matthew 8 is an undeniable incidence of hope in His Healing Touch..a touch reaching out the soul before the body..the soul that comes kneeling and asking His will...receiving a touch full of might..the only real touch that could contact such an infested body:

Then a man sick with leprosy came to him. The man bowed down before Jesus and said, 

“Lord, you have the power to heal me if you want.” Jesus touched the man. He said, “I want to heal you. Be healed!” Immediately the man was healed from his leprosy. (Matthew 8:2-3 ERV)

وإذا أبرَصُ قد جاءَ وسَجَدَ لهُ قائلًا: «يا سيِّدُ، إنْ أرَدتَ تقدِرْ أنْ تُطَهِّرَني». فمَدَّ يَسوعُ يَدَهُ ولَمَسَهُ قائلًا: «أُريدُ، فاطهُرْ!». ولِلوقتِ طَهُرَ بَرَصُهُ. (8 مَتَّى:2-3 )

Here I Kneel...for YOU to Heal!

Big Black Cloud.. Again

Here comes again the big "Black Cloud-السحابة السودة"..Isn't it a pity that such a perfect weather month like October is ruined by such an unexplained phenomenon! I remember enjoying outdoor activities as Summer heat fades away and winter (the bit we have back home) didn't yet crawl its way into the streets of Cairo. You can not be around a group of people these days without hearing their endless complaints of such horrific pollution and how disastrous it is to their overall health and moods. Just a thought hit me...what about the ones who are producing this pollution, the ones starting the fires and burning the so called "قش الرز". Are they feeling guilty with such wrong doing? Are they realizing the suffering they are creating to millions around them? Do they even still smell or see the same smoke the way we do? I guess they got used to it, or so embedded in their ways that in fact they like it! Their personal benefit in such an act BLINDS their eyes and gives them a fictitious peace of consciousness.

I just reflected on the Black Clouds you and I do create in our lives. Numerous sins and wrong doings found their way to pollute our soul, yet I guess we are blinded exactly as the "black cloud producers". The personal benefits we get from a lie, a cheat, a treason, or a look sedates our consciousness and makes us co-exist in a Smoke filled inner-self. My fear that this black cloud can (and will) hit the ones around you, they will smell it and eventually bear the consequences with you, yes, the consequences are one sin's most terrifying realities.

I love David for the man of God he was, yet he committed adultery and sinned. He knew he could blindly accept it and find excuses, yet he Prayed with tears asking God to fetch his soul and open his eyes, showing him what to clean:

"Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)
اختَبِرني يا اللهُ واعرِفْ قَلبي. امتَحِنّي واعرِفْ أفكاري. وانظُرْ إنْ كانَ فيَّ طَريقٌ باطِلٌ، واهدِني طَريقًا أبديًّا. (139 المَزاميرُ:23-24 )

Dear Lord, I had enough starting fires, seeing smokes and accepting it. How far do we need to go to realize the pain we are creating to our selves and the disgrace we bring to the ones around us. Till when will we keep our eyes on the cloud of others yet accept the fumes we spread around. Open the eyes of our heart Lord to the blind spots we let go and the accepted failures we nurture within. I want to scream out loud with the born-blind healed by Jesus "“But I do know this: I was blind, and now I can see.” (John 9:25) 
In Your Glorious name, Amen.

When you see the black cloud, remember your own.

Iliotibial Band Syndrome

I injured my knee couple of month ago, and yes it had(s) its impact on me. Last February, I went out for my regular run, and just 10 minutes later, i felt a strange pinch inside my knee..i kept going thinking it would click back normally, but no it didn't. In short, after some checkups/MRIs, found out I developed what's called the "illioTibial Band Syndrome". With such an inflammation in my knee tissues, I had to quit running for a while to allow its good healing. Guess what, this was just the igniting flame to start the engine of "Laziness" and "Self Pity"! Yes I admit, My "Lazy Me" was just making sure that I keep focusing on my injury, envying runners i saw on the streets, and most of all, blinding me of all other activities I still could do without relying on the knee (I could hear the laughs and whispers of that Lazy Me!). Something inside me, mentally, got turned off and this "letting go" mode took over all the Health awareness rituals I have built throughout the past year. I allowed it to grow more and more, till I decided to step up again, dust off and hit it back to the gym (without knee exercises). WOW...How did I allow my self in that downward spiral..Felt so good, so energizing..and determined to bring back what I lost.

I have lived exactly the same on my Spiritual level (I guess I am not alone). I remember times when I felt my soul souring up to the skies, and my faith unshaken..then comes Sin conquering me in moments of weakness, afflicting that same "Knee Injury" on a spiritual level. Yes, the same "Letting Go" mode finds its way back creating "self pity" times. At such times, I do feel weak, desperate and surely living a lie (literally listening to the laughs of THE Enemy growing deep in me). The Prophet Micah ميخا wrote with the Spirit a verse I keep dear to myself and in front of my eyes:

Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me. (Michah 7:8 NASB)

لا تشمَتي بي يا عَدوَّتي، إذا سقَطتُ أقومُ. إذا جَلَستُ في الظُّلمَةِ فالرَّبُّ نورٌ لي. (ميخا  ٨:٧

I just love the determination and persistence in that verse, Though I fall I WILL Rise..for the power of the resurrection is in us, lives in you and me, the Holy Spirit is our comforter and counselor to know that Falling is just temporary while our victory is everlasting. If I Stumble, I WILL RISE!

Dear God, I pray today that I along all the ones reading these words, can say out loud 'I will dust off and Rise again in the Light of your love..for I know Lord that You again have compassion on us; tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all our sins Into the depths of the sea. (Michah 7:19 NASB).

Dust off, and Rise Now..in His Light once again!

Sting like a bee

Spring is finally coming in and bringing all the joyful sensation of a "winter left behind". Spring comes in with its warming up sun, blooming flowers, green back to the scene. Naturally, spring brings in some visitors as well: bees and wasps (دبٓور). Now, I just want you to recall what happens when a "visiting" bee enters your house, office or meeting room! I see you smiling already! I have always been fascinated how such a small creature can literally stop everyone from doing whatever they do and get ALL the attention with EXTREME FOCUS. You will find people extremely alert, heart beating, turning their heads left to right (sometimes jumping off their seat or dodging..in fact doing funny crazy moves but who cares at that moment), silencing every body to try to localize it, tip toeing carefully until one opens the window..and YES..it is finally Kicked out of the house..YEAHHH...only then, a big relief is felt and we feel peace and and order in place after some dedicated minutes of one-goal-focus!

It is normal, isn't it? The stings of most of these species can be quite painful, and are therefore keenly avoided by many people. I can't recall ever seeing a group of people just being indifferent about it, some even decide to avoid it and change their location. Sin is no stranger to this wasp...we know its sting can be quite painful..and surely more painful that the wasp as it reaches deep where no insect can go. I just want you to think with me how life would receive back its peace and order if we truly with extreme dedication, using The sensitive Holy Spirit in us to localize sin and Kick it out of your own life..OUT. To be practical, in prayer look inside your house (soul), listen with the ears of faith (the Holy Spirit), localize and focus on what is holding you down (sin), Open the Windows (in prayer) and remove it..then feel peace again..and don't open this window right away..you know exactly what can jump back in! Not easy, i know...but He promised to be there..granting us His victorious Holy Spirit to win this battle. Just Trust in prayer.

I pray today through St. Paul's words clearly showing how sin would slow us down from reaching the goals set before us.

لنَطرَحْ كُلَّ ثِقلٍ، والخَطيَّةَ المُحيطَةَ بنا بسُهولَةٍ، ولنُحاضِرْ بالصَّبرِ في الجِهادِ المَوْضوعِ أمامَنا، (العِبرانيّينَ 12:1

So we, too, should run the race that is before us and never quit. We should remove from our lives anything that would slow us down and the sin that so often makes us fall. (Hebrews 12:1 ERV)

Localize, pray, remove and resist..in Jesus name, Amen!

Stand your Ground!

"Stand your ground-اثبت مكانك" ...a statement (and a song) that keeps going in mind everytime I negotiate and discuss with...my 6 years old twins!
Leila (or Farida): Can i play with the ball here..please!
Me: No, no ball inside the house!
She: Pleazzzzeeee!
Me: No is No..خلاص
She: Mwah (بوسة و حضون عميق)
Me: Ok..just 2 minutes
She: Heeeeiihh..merci Pa.."another mwah (بوسة تانية في السريع)"
..(5 minutes later)...
TRAKHHH..اتكسرت الفازة..and even صمغ امير cant fix the vase anymore!
Me: see..That s why I said you should not do this in this the house! Next time just obey!
She (with tears in the eyes): ..But at the end you said OK just for 2 minutes!
Me:.....(silence)

If you are parenting (or managing), you know this moment when you give a direction/order and they start pushing against it and win..you just lose your ground, and as a parent, your words lose their strength and impact..so dont expect them to listen to your directions easily.

This reminds of the times i lost my ground to fighting wrong doings..i say no..but then open the door of negotiation with sin! I lost almost every battle when i decided to keep the door slighly open..because part of me was accepting who I am negotiating with and wanting what i m refusing. Feels so bitter, makes you feel like a loser..and that is exactly the intention of falling, is to get you broken and useless. I read lately the stories of two great names in the bible (Daniel and Joseph) who stood their ground and said no..i encourage you to read them..i selected two verses, that I keep in front of me in times of trial:

أمّا دانيآلُ فجَعَلَ في قَلبِهِ أنَّهُ لا يتنَجَّسُ بأطايِبِ المَلِكِ (دانيآل 1:8 AVDDV)
فأمسَكَتهُ بثَوْبِهِ قائلَةً: «اضطَجِعْ مَعي!». فترَكَ ثَوْبَهُ في يَدِها وهَرَبَ وخرجَ إلَى خارِجٍ. (التَّكوينُ 39:12 AVDDV)

Daniel Just deciding in his heart (not his mind..that tends to negotiate), refusing the great food of the king (and its political implications).. Joseph fleeing a beautiful queen (imagine nefertiti like) wanting him...(or any type of temptation that you know is not correct)...is SO powerful..and yes they got into problems later..but these problems were the turning point to a great life of faith..they got blessed beyond imagination!..just thinking what if they accepted..and negotiated?!

Dear God...i come to you today with all the shameful falls i went through, asking you to pick me up..get into your loving Hug and knowing that I am not alone..I thank you that Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in my weakness.(2 Corinthians 12:9) ..I thank you for the Holy spirit lifting me up through trials..my strength is in You..I need your Peace! Amen

Do not negotiate..Stand your grounds my friends!

 !!إثبت مكانك
كلمات أغنية تظل تتردد في عقلي كل مرة أدخل في مفاوضات هامة مع .. بناتي التوأم ( عمرهما ٩ سنوات)
ليلة ( أو فريده ) : بابا ، ممكن ألعب بالكرة هنا .. Pleaaase !
!أنا : لأ .. مفيش كرة في البيت
ليلة : pleaaazzzzze !
أنا : لأ يعني لأ .. خلاص
ليلة : موووواه " بوسة و حضن عميق "
أنا : خلاص دقيقتين و بس
ليلة : هييييييه ، Merci Pa ، مواه ( بوسة تانية في السريع)
!بعد خمس دقايق ، دششششش ، الڤازة إتكسرت
حتى صمغ أمير مش هينفع يصلح الڤازة تاني
أنا : شوفتي ! علشان كده أنا قلت مينفعش كرة في البيت ! المرة الجاية إبقي إسمعي الكلام
!!ليلة و عينيها مدمعة : لكن في الآخر إنت وافقت و قلت لي إلعبي دقيقتين
أنا : ..... ( صمت )

لو إنت أب ( أم ) أو مدير تنظم سير العمل ، تعرف جيداً تلك اللحظات حين توجه أو تعطي أمر ثم يبدأ نقاش وجدال و مفاوضات بغرض تعديل رأيك ، يدفعونك لتغير موقفك ، و يكسبون
أنت عندها تفقد " أرضك " ، و كأب .. كلامك سيفقد قوته و سيضعف تأثيره .. فلا تتوقع أن ينفذوا كلامك فيما بعد بسهولة
!وهذا يذكرني بالأوقات التي فقدتُ فيها " أرضاً " في معارك ضد الخطية ، أبدأُ بكلمة " لا " .. ثم أفتح باباً للنقاش
أخسر كل المعارك عندما أترك الأبواب " مواربة " ، لأن جزء مني يرحب بما أتفاوض حوله ، و جزء مني يرغب بشدة ما أحاول أن أرفضه
إحساس مرير ، شعورك بالفشل ! و هذا هو الغرض من السقوط ، أن تنكسر فتصبح عديم القيمة

قرأت مؤخراً عن رجلين عظيمين في الكتاب المقدس
عن دانيال و عن يوسف . اللذين ثبتا مكانهما و قالا " لا " أشجعك أن تقرأ عنهما ، إخترت آيتين لأجعلهما أمامي في كل مرة أمر بتجربة من هذا النوع ..

أمّا دانيآلُ فجَعَلَ في قَلبِهِ أنَّهُ لا يتنَجَّسُ بأطايِبِ المَلِكِ (دانيآل 1:8 )
فأمسَكَتهُ بثَوْبِهِ قائلَةً: «اضطَجِعْ مَعي!». فترَكَ ثَوْبَهُ في يَدِها وهَرَبَ وخرجَ إلَى خارِجٍ. (التَّكوينُ 39:12 )

دانيال .. قرر في قلبه ( وليس عقله الذي ربما يفتح باباً للنقاش ) أن يرفض " أطايب الملك " طعامه الشهي
و يوسف يهرب من ملكة جميلة ( تخيل نفرتيتي مثلاً ) ترغب فيه أو لك أن تتخيل أي تجربة أو إغراء تعرف في داخلك أنه خاطئ
إحساس عنيف ، نزاع صعب ، و نعم بالطبع واجه كلاهما ( دانيال و يوسف ) مشاكل كثيرة نتيجة قراراتهما الصارمة ، و لكن هذه المشاكل لم تكن سوى نقطة تحول عظيمة في حياة و إيمان كل منهما ..ملأت البركة حياتهما بما يفوق التخيل و التصورات
و تخيل معي .. ماذا لو قبل أي منهما النقاش و ترك باب المفاوضات موارباً 

..إلهي الحبيب
!آتي نحوك الآن ، بكل سقطاتي المخجلة ، أتضرع إليك أن تقيمني ، تنتشلني ، أرتمي في أحضان حبك ، و أعلم أني لست وحدي
!أشكرك لأن نعمتك تكفيني ، و أن قوتك تكمل في ضعفي
!أشكرك لأجل الروح القدس الذي يقيمني وقت التجربة و الإختبارات ، قوتي فيك ، لأني بشدة أحتاج سلامك
.آمين

!صديقي .. لا تتفاوض .. إثبت مكانك 

!خلينا منورين ️

The "Black" Cloud

If I am not mistaken, these days we should be welcoming in Cairo our famous "Black Cloud" as known as السحابة السودة. I think the cause (and solution) of this heavy black smoke is and will remain one of the great mysteries of Egypt, next to لعنة الفراعنة and why we "never" make it to the world cup!?

Talking about clouds, It reminded me of the very special time I spend with Leila and Farida, lying on our back on the ground, in the open air, looking up to the blue sky and Playing the never-boring game of "What shape is this cloud?"...Dabdoub, Batta, Dora, La vache qui rit :-) My kids always amaze me with their imagination, they can see things much better than my already-shaped realistic closed mind..the excitment of the game is so high because they jump around to show me quickly what they see in this cloud above them..before it is gone..before it disappears! Will never forget when they asked me how amazingly such big fluffy cotton-like clouds disappear and leave the sky without any traces, and the sky is clearly blue even after the thoughest foggy or stormy days (specially in Amsterdam)!

Suddenly I got a totally new perspective of what Isaiah wrote about clouds:

قد مَحَوْتُ كغَيمٍ ذُنوبَكَ وكسَحابَةٍ خطاياكَ. اِرجِعْ إلَيَّ لأنّي فدَيتُكَ». (إشَعياءَ 44:22

Your sins were like a big cloud, but I wiped them all away. Your sins are gone, like a cloud that disappeared into thin air. I rescued and protected you, so come back to me.” (Isaiah 44:22 ERV)
What a strong description he wrote through the Holy spirit, declaring the love of our Heavenly Father who calls us to come back to Him. Not only He is going to give us the "Running Hug" like we talked about in the last post..but He confirms that our sins and transgressions are erased like clouds disappear from the sky...with no traces..Just Gone away from His sight..because He took it all away..He redeemed us..no matter how big the cloud is! Wow..not only a running hug, but a clear Sky..all new..all Blue!

Heavenly Father, I thank you with tears in my eyes, that you are calling me back in your arms to take away my sins, my skies from black clouds, without a mark in your sight, no mater how big or small my sin can be, you just erased it..I pray that I never forget this promise..and i live believing it..always running back to You..knowing You cleared it all! Amen.